It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
