After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
