Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
