I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize