My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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