Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
