you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
