Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My ass is underappreciated
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
