Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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