Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
