Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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