The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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