shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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