They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
