I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
