ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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