awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
