i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
