i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
40s are totally the cure
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
