So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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