I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
