i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He felt like a one man threesome
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
