no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
