i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
