I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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