Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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