Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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