why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
