my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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