So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
