Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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