I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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