Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
