"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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