I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
