He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize