I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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