if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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