There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
