now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
