I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
