your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
