listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
