highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
