now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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