Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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