I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
