I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
where are my eyebrows?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
