I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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