Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize