Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
