WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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