he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
