Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
