was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
