Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
