I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize