My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
