I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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