Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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