Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
