Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
