my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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