Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
