It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am naked and annoyed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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