i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
