Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
