Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Farmville is her only friend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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