Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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