If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
